Stupidity
by Lady Merlin
Summary: Bartimaeus reflects on the few things that Nathaniel did, which surprised him. My first BT fic. err, BxN pairing. my first slash, so tell me my bads. :D:D


My first Bartimaeus Trilogy FFN. YAY!!! Anyway, I have decided to write (dundundun) BartimaeusNathaniel. Fine, I think Nathaniel was the hottest thing in the first book, but later on... and Bartimaeus did and always will remind me of Artemis Fowl (You know, The evil conniving git who is so damned insufferably smart but you can tell if you know him that there is some semblance of good, deep, deep, deep down inside. despite the fact that it's tiny it's worth it's weight in gold, right?) And the only thing missing from that long winded aeolist statement is that I love Artemis. (Don't ask) Anyway. Have fun. Oh yeah, I own no one. Oh yeah, one more thing. HOW COULD THEY KILL NATHANIEL??? WAAIILLLL what will poor poor Barty do?

I'm not under any circumstances stupid. (1) Never have been, never will be. As a matter of fact, I'm remarkably intelligent, clear-sighted, cunning, and dependable and modestly prevent me from going on. Only, I didn't see that coming. (2)

I remember when he dismissed the exhausted, froggy version (3) of me, my mind was clear enough to wonder. Obviously, there was something going on. I'm not stupid. I knew very well that if he wanted to, he could have prolonged my suffering for around five minutes and got his information from me, ignoring the fact that I'd die. But amazingly, he dismissed me. I can still remember the look on his companion's face. (4) It was one of barely contained rage and most amusingly, was a mottled shade of purple. As my essence floated away in wisps, I remember hearing something. I can't recall the exact conversation (5), but I do know this; she was pretty pissed at him for dismissing me. And Nathaniel isn't stupid either. He must have known that there would be adverse consequences should he choose either way. Either I would die, or he would get into trouble. (6) Naturally I was surprised when he did dismiss me. I just wondered why. Compassion never seemed his strong suit.

Though I can't completely blame him. Part of it WAS my fault. (7) I was patiently waiting in his bedroom for him to wake up. It was late night, and I had just finished a task for him. (8) I remember walking over to his bed. He was dressed in his regular suit. (9) I saw his pale face, silvery in the moonlight. His cheek-bones stuck out and his hair was a mess. I recall thinking; he's a beautiful being, before catching myself. My gaze traveled down to his chest. Even through the suit, I could count his ribs. He looked painfully thin. He never looked this thin in the daytime. (10) He looked so... dare I say it, frail. Yes, me, Bartimaeus, feeling pity for the being who put him through so much torture. He did look amazingly innocent, reminding me of the boy inside of the man.

The final straw was unexpected. (11) I knew I was going in. and probably not coming out. And somehow, this didn't faze me too much. Why? I wondered. And an answer floated in my head; I was with him. Why should I care? I asked myself. There was no answer. It was a rhetorical question. I knew the answer. I cared for him. Disgusted at myself, I continued, thinking what a fool I was. (12) I was honestly expecting to die. When he dismissed me, I heard him whisper before I left, "I love you." What I heard (naturally) struck me dumb. No, not of disgust, but because I'd been feeling the same way. And as those moments tend to, the moments stood still. And with the last amount of resistance I owned, I turned into Ptolemy and kissed him on the lips. Now, since we know that time doesn't really slow down, we must know that I kissed him very quick. But that doesn't mean he didn't realise. Or didn't feel that spark. He did. And his eyes widened. And he smiled. And I knew he would die happily. And I knew I would remember his smile for the rest of eternity.

(1) Goes without stating, naturally, but some of you are SO dense.

(2)I beg your pardon for the horrible grammar, but then we all know how difficult it is to recount events. Oh yes, THAT refers to several things. You shall soon see.

(3)I'm sure you recall.

(4) Boy was she ugly.

(5)I'm not a tape recorder! Besides, I was dying.

(6)I must say now, that I thought he would rather save himself.

(7)It shocks me to say it, but it was.

(8)Who knows what the task was. I don't recall.

(9)No doubt he'd fallen asleep on his desk and somehow managed to drag himself to bed.

(10)Probably because I never noticed it; I was too busy arguing with him.

(11)To say the least.

(12)Some of you might be wondering why Nathaniel couldn't hear my thoughts. Well, a Djinn will always have more private spaces in his mind than a human can imagine. There was no way in hell he could have heard me.

Ok, fine. It sucked. I know. It sucked bad. It's my first yaoi. The first pairing I EVER felt like writing yaoi. So ya'll have to gimme a chance. Tell me how to improve. Please review! I need comments on this. THANKS!!!


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